We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
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I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
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just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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