I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize