I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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