Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
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Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
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I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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