her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize