I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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