my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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