MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
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New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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