its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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