no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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