i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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