I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
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Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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