worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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