hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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