I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
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i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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