I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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