I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize