well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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