she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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