I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
and she was petting her beer can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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