I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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