I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
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THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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