my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
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I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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