I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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