Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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