hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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