You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
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Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
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And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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