Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize