Don't you send me to vm
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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