You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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