I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
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I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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