he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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