He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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