yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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