I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize