Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
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