Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize