today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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