hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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