she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize