I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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