I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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