I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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