I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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