The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
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Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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