he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Drake has all the answers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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