I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
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He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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