"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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