Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
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