He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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